0 Chill

"That's life" is a poor excuse in the English language.

Notes on morally corrupt English

I have here two expressions. One is uniquely good (“compose yourself!”), the other sucks (“that’s life!”). Allow me to elaborate.

The former is flustered, with a deeply posh accent and a beet red face. No actually composed person says that. This is an expression for people who vacillate between flabbergasted and unimpressed with no solid middle. Plus, their backup argument is probably “that will not be necessary”.

The latter is almost always proceeded with “yeahhhh, well”, and dude at this point just stop there. Whatever you are about to say is the opposite of hope. No one has ever said that’s life without it being followed by this thousand yard existential stare, as if life is a long, dark tunnel with mold growing on the sides and no light in sight. Yeah, well… I have seen people use it in a kind way, like when they’re trying to make you feel better. But, they could just as easily say “compose yourself” and at least that sounds funny. It’s also an open ended statement which bothers me. It gives you no direction. Like where do I go from here? The rest of life or the rest of the day? Off the grid and into the void?? The one you’re clearly staring into???

And then there’s “get a grip”. That one I feel less strongly about. It mostly just irritates me unless it’s truly needed. If I’m holding onto your neck while you’re struggling to swim me back to shore then okay it’s a useful expression. Commands will always be more entertaining, especially when accompanied by flabbergastation (that’s a real word, folks).

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